I have to preface this post with a note that, as a technically disabled person, I have ZERO expectations from anyone. Well, that's not entirely true. I know there are some legal requirements for certain businesses and/or government offices to be handicap accessible, but I always go to a new place thinking I'm going to have to negotiate some obstacles by myself, in case there's no one there I can ask for help. I've always been an independent person, and while my husband is the most amazing caregiver EVER and I always accept help from him, it's different when I'm out on my own. I expect to rely on myself and adjust as necessary when one path isn't available to me, not get angry and think about suing some restaurant because they didn't spend tens of thousands of dollars to build a ramp for the few people like me.
As a member of both the Tucson Hispanic Chamber and Tucson Metro Chamber, I attend a lot of mixers, socials, luncheons, and meetings (To the right is a picture of me and my friend Georgia Howe of BeachBody Fitness at one of the Hispanic Chamber's monthly luncheons). Tucson has a million restaurants and meeting places, and some of them have been around a long time--i.e. are not handicap accessible. I attended a holiday mixer at the Tucson Scottish Rite, where I had to climb a flight of marble stairs to get to the meeting area. Let's just say stairs, while doable, are NOT my favorite things. But guess what? The VERY kind gentleman who was directing cars in the parking lot carried my walker up the stairs for me when I arrived, was patient and conversational while I used my left hand/arm to physically put my left foot on the next step for 15 steps, and carried the walker back down for me at the end of the meeting. I went to a mixer at the original--i.e. old--El Charro Cafe, which had numerous steps and a tiny little room where all the food was. With a little bit of muscle and people kindly giving me room, I was able to get some food and maneuver my way into a seat for the evening. As a side note, the seat on my walker is invaluable as a platform for holding my plate at buffets and cocktail receptions. At the Hotel Congress--i.e. another old landmark--I also had a few steps to maneuver when I arrived, but I managed by taking my time, as usual, and not assuming that everyone in the room was staring at the girl with the orange walker with green ghost flames up the sides.I'm a very cynical person, and one of the few things that helps me maintain some faith in humanity is the kindness of total strangers. Yes, the people I surround myself with at these events are business professionals and active members of the Tucson community, so I could have a higher expectation of how they would treat me; but they're still people. Fortunately, both here and when I travel to provide training or give presentations, I'm treated with kindness and generosity pretty much everywhere and by a wide variety of people. People often ask if I had surgery because (a) I have a cuff on my right leg (my WalkAide), and (b) it's weird for a 39 year-old to use a walker. I often tell them I got shot by a drug smuggler, and after they chew on that shocking news for a few seconds, I tell them no, I just have MS, but the first story is much more fun. Believe it or not, they get a kick out of that joke, and it helps them get over the awkwardness of figuring out what to say if I just tell them I have MS. I'm tempted to worry that people feel sorry for me (which they shouldn't) or that they wouldn't be in such a rush to help me if I weighed 500 pounds and was really ugly, but I push those thoughts out of my head when they come and am just grateful when people offer to help.
By now, I've been a member of both chambers of commerce for about six months and have attended enough socials and meetings (I'm a member of the Metro Military Affairs Committee and the Latino Education Committee) where most active members have at least seen the "girl with the walker" (yes, I'm 39 and like to think of myself as a girl). I feel like if I can forget about having MS while I'm having a typical business-card-exchange conversation, then so can the people I'm talking to. Hopefully, to them, I'm just another small business owner out to make new friends and connections and learn how to grow my business. I get plenty of help and consideration along the way, but I think I'm doing an okay job of fitting in just like everybody else.
Hello Sylvia, I've been a follower of yours for several years now, we meet once in Austin at a book festival. I have a cane and a rubber hose up my nose, and I am hesitant to attend the more formal functions because of my handicap. I too have found there are good people out there that will help. And I've learned to prepare. I carry water, always start with a full tank of 02, arrive early because I'm slow and to navigate obstacles like stairs. But I still just don't feel comfortable at the more formal events.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing My Personal Circus.
Pokey, I remember you! And thanks so much for your comment; I appreciate you being able to relate, and your support.
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