I've tried really hard to relax this weekend, since I didn't have much to do work-wise or home-wise. Unfortunately, for someone with my control-freak and high-anxiety personality, free time isn't always a good thing--especially before a huge event. I've been frantically looking for anything to keep me busy to help the time go by faster.
I've also been trying to think back to roughly 2 ½ years ago and the weekend before my first book, Cartel, was released on Sept. 27, 2011 (see photo from that launch party in St. Louis to the right). My husband was deployed then as well (to Afghanistan), but I was alone with my boys at the time. The process of getting Cartel to press was stressful and my workaholic addiction to the process put no small amount of strain on my family. I was about to embark on a book tour, and I had so many questions and worries swirling in my mind: Would people like the book? Would people show up to see me at book signings? Would my MS interfere with my travels? How different would my life become in the following year?Fortunately, everything turned out well, and there were no seriously life-changing events in the time after Cartel was published. The book sold well--well enough to earn out my advance, get nominated for a Los Angeles Times book prize, and go into paperback (a rarity, I'm told, for first-time authors). However, my MS progressed considerably during that time, although I think that was mostly due to the stress of my husband being gone in a war zone for six months. I went from just needing a cane to having to use a walker much of the time.
So today, on this holiest of Catholic holidays, I find myself praying not only in thanks for Jesus rising from the dead, but in hopes that I can appreciate that whatever happens next is the right path God has placed me on for our family. I have a different feeling about my professional future with the publication of Border Insecurity on Tuesday than I did with Cartel. I have more writing experience, more perspective, and I'm living in the most ideal place in the country to be writing about border security; trust me, NO ONE in St. Louis or southwest Illinois cared about Mexico's drug war. The early reviews of the book and the pre-order numbers from Amazon have been extremely strong, and I have the very enthusiastic backing of a national media outlet with an enormous following.
Yet, I still have the same questions as I did 2 ½ years ago. I'm pretty confident the book launch party Tuesday evening will be a success, with over 100 people confirmed to attend and likely several more that didn't RSVP. I'm also pretty confident that the book will sell well enough to earn out my advance once more, and Cartel sales have been seriously boosted by the buzz I've been generating for Cartel. Royalties won't make me rich, but if a copy of Border Insecurity gets in the right hands, it could mean big things for my consulting business and media footprint. Cartel certainly boosted my business, and my husband and I are in a position right now to really want to see how far Longmire Consulting could go.So as the sun sets on Holy Week, I start the new week with anticipation, anxiety, and excitement. The stress is having a minor impact on my MS, as my legs have been working a little bit harder than usual. However, I started seeing an acupuncturist a couple of weeks ago (which is going well so far), and I'm still sleeping well. Whenever I approach an event that I know could alter the course of my life at least a little bit, I have to work very hard to understand there's only so much I can control, and then I have to hand everything over to God. Some of you don't believe in that, and that's okay; even if I were an atheist, I'd still be struggling with letting things go that I can't control. It's time to let the cards fall where they may, and just enjoy the ride!
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