A Deployment, a Book Launch, and Trying to Be Supermom

For those of you who don't know, my husband is in the Air Force and deployed to Central America this past Monday. It's his second deployment, and relatively speaking, it's a plush deal compared to when he left for Afghanistan for six months in 2011. But even if he was in Montana, it's still three months away from the comforts of home and from his family. Him being away also places special demands on us--and emotionally for him--since he physically has to help me a LOT due to my MS-induced limitations.

That's not even the hardest part. When he deployed to Afghanistan (that's him to the right), our then-3 ½ year-old son wouldn't even speak to him over Skype for probably the first three months; it was just too painful. He acted out for the first month, and woke up crying sometimes. So now with TWO boys who are VERY attached to their dad, I was prepared for the worst. We talked to our oldest's teacher at school and our youngest's teachers at daycare, as well as our part-time nanny, and explained they should probably expect some acting out and negative behavior. The first weeks are always the worst, so I expected this week to be a miserable one, filled with lots of crying, whining, yelling, and acting out.

Instead, it's been a pretty amazing week so far. My oldest is getting fully dressed all my himself for school before he even leaves his room in the morning. My youngest is playing, laughing, and being weird as usual, and both are eating and going to bed with little fuss. They've been great helpers, holding doors for me and cleaning up after themselves, and even a bit more affectionate than usual. I don't know how long this will last, but God seems to have instilled a sense of peace and calm in them that He knew I wouldn't be able give by myself. I also think it helps that they have each other to play with and stay busy/distracted.

In the dozen or so weeks to come, I will once again attempt to play the role of Supermom. But fortunately, I won't be doing it alone. My mother-in-law will be here in four days, and will stay for a couple of weeks until my mom takes over mid-April. That's when things will get crazy; I do have a new book to launch on April 22nd, after all :). This is actually the second book launch my husband will miss, since he was also deployed when Cartel launched in September 2011. I can't tell you how hard it is to have your life partner not be able to be a part of one of the biggest professional moments in your life. However, it IS great that my mom will be here to share it with me, as well as several good friends who will be at the party.

But the launch is only the beginning; the REAL juggling act starts after the launch. I have several trips out of town to promote the book, attend a conference in San Diego, and give presentations in May. Trying to travel for work when you have two kids and your spouse is deployed is no easy task. My mom is 76 and can't completely take care of both boys by herself, so there's a lot of meticulous planning and scheduling that goes into just an overnight trip. Thank GOD I have the most amazing nanny in the world, along with awesome mom friends, my husband's coworkers, and other local friends who are able to help with just simple things that make a world of difference.

For example, life with a deployed spouse is really hard when you're able-bodied, but things are just different for me because I have MS. Honestly, the hardest thing for me when he's gone is making healthy dinners. I can't cook anymore because I can't be on my feet for more than a couple of minutes at a time, so doing anything other than using a toaster oven or a microwave is just too hard. Thankfully, our nanny is a great cook, and I just buy ingredients that she can use to make dishes that leave a lot of leftovers. I also have great friends who are great cooks, and are waiting on standby for me to ask for food that will extend for a few days. I can't roll our trash bins up our steep driveway to the street for pickup day, so I need help with that. I can't change a lightbulb when it requires more than a step stool to reach.

This is the life of a military wife; generally, your blood relatives aren't close by, so you make a new family in a short period of time. Some of them will be friends for life, and some will fade away over time. It's not something we dwell on; it's just a fact of this way of life, and we're grateful for the time we have with each other and the special ways in which we can help each other.

So my life and work continues, albeit at a pace that can be interrupted on short notice. If one of the kids gets sick, all my work comes to a halt for a while, and my clients have always been understanding of my situation. I have to miss certain meetings or opportunities because someone isn't available to watch the boys or pick them up at school/daycare, but those are the breaks. Some days are awful and I just want to sit in our bathroom and cry for hours. Other days are incredibly empowering, knowing that I'm capable of making our children happy and succeeding in my professional life while I'm partly on my own for several months. Until this deployment wraps up at the end of June, I just ask that you pray for my husband while he's away, and that our little family manages to plod along successfully--and hopefully uneventfully :).